Working deeply with trauma...
Stepping into the season of Fall have had me wondering about a lot of things. How did 2022 start and what was my wishes for this year and where am I for the last tree months?
It actually started with a deeper tissue release happening in a physical-therapist session this past week. You have probably already guessed that I work with my body many hours pr week and pr day. I teach, but I also train and practice on my own. The one thing I do, is to make sure that Im mentally prepared for yoga classes, and with this I have to be open to listening for what is going on inside. Body, mind and spirit is deeply connected. So when I stepped into my physical therapists office, it was with the intension to release the muscles that where effected by medical trauma, back from 2017. I have been working closely with my physical-therapist for months, due to my surgery for endometrioses, but also due to an ongoing left side pain. I started with one therapist and then changed to another due to a sudden change in the therapists health. It is remarkable how the universe leads you and directs you to the right person. In this situation, I was kind of sad leaving my first therapist, because she had offered my huge releases in form of a technique called dry needling.
When I stepped into my new therapist office and she told me she was working with mostly women with pelvic problems, I was not only blown away with her sweet and curious personality, BUT when she started her treatment with fascial release on my left inner thigh, I knew I was in the right place at the right time. Out of my own curiosity I asked why she started there ( because I had been trying this technique on my self) She kindly explained that this was what most pelvic clients was dealing with. Never have I felt more understood and heard, like with in the room with her.
The second time I stepped into the office, I knew the dry needling was what I really needed to get my muscles to relax. Im here talking about my inner thighs, on both sides, they have been holding on so tight, that my lower back was paying for this tightness and no matter how much training and stretches I was practicing, I was doing, they wouldn’t relax and calm down fully. So in stepped my therapist with the dry needling expert and with the support of both of them, again I experience the same immediate response from the needle going into my muscle and the immediate emotional response. The way I react is with softly crying and gentle shaking, the same reaction I had under the surgery in 2017. This resulted in deep deep release and I have over the last week experienced myself being able to deepen my yoga poses deeper than ever. What a relief…
What does all of this have to do with the rest of the year and my saying 3 months left? It has everything to do with this. I have been recovering gently, reflecting deeply on this episode of my surgery and the next step is working with EMDR, this technique will help me store the experience, so I no longer get a bodily response when I replay the episode and Im really deep grateful to have the opportunity to work so deeply and maybe at the end of the year, everything will be restored and I will have room for new wonderful things and not be triggered so deeply.
Working with trauma isn’t a fun fluffy rainbow experience, no its really deeply ugly and hard, it isn’t pretty. I might have lots of energy one day and the next day my body just wants to sleep and nap. Learning to flow on the ebbs and flows of trauma recovery is a balance, but a balance, Im slowly finding peace in and I can now fully except the changes and ride the waves.
I have a tremendous amount of strength and will to go through all of this, and I have more then 3 months to recover, but the next 3 months, will be a challenge and that’s a part of what im working on in this moment, to become a better human.
Why this picture, imagine having a very “angry” and inflamed inner thigh, that results in a very sore and tight area around the sacrum. ( on top of that, having internal challenges with Endometrioses “growing” on the sacral puberal ligament) this courses restriction in stretching my legs and folding forward in a wide legged stand. So getting to THIS point is HUGE and I want to jump of joy and happiness to finally have reached this goal and knowing Im on the right path for more healing coming this way.
My hope is, that it will inspire you to keep going and not to stop, just because you meet a curveball on your way. Take the breath, the break and then step into the arena again, its worth the journey.
Much Love and healing thoughts
Penelope
